This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Randomize
