college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
