Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
