make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
