i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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