Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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