You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
