So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
This baby is an asshole
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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