just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
