marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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