I must be too annoying 4 u.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
