You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
