Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize