just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I think my moral compass just broke
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
