We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
