Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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