the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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