So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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