No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
