forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Randomize
