how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
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