I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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