Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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