i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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