Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
