when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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