I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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