Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
