it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
It's rum buckets o'clock
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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