I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
