Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
