I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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