Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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