don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
