I'm going to jail i love you
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
