TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Watching her eat just hurts me
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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