also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize