Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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