When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
All the doctor said was why
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
