i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
She's like a pop up book from hell.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
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