i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
smell my finger.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize