I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
