apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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