hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
