just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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