I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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