found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
