i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
