You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
