Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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