I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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