dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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