YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize