you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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