I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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