My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
