Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
