this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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