Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
