Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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