Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
