I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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