fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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