haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
