Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
