his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
