i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize