i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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