she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
