i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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