Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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