Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
