After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You left your underwear on the fireplace
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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