Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
