I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
