My first STD was from a foam party
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
