***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Michael Bay diarrhea
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
