I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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