Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize