this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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