My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
