Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
