I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
