3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
