Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
