I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
