buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
