halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
