2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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