hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
