he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
