oh god the rape fog is back!
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
