So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
