writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
