I cannot find my penis.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
