Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Randomize
