I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
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