I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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