You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
